The worst part of football is of course the 16-year-old phenomenal players who do amazing things and remind you how old you are, like Lamine Yamal

Stefan Matzke – sampics. Getty Images.

The thing about football is that it’s obviously a beautiful game. It’s just hard for the American brain to process that when you try to follow it. There are so many different leagues and so many different tournaments and so many different qualifiers. Loans and relegations, Champions Leagues and derbies.

So it’s not that I’m anti-football and hate the sport. I think it’s sick and I’ll watch when there’s good games. The flopping is glaring, but the NBA these days is no different. HOWEVA…

My heart certainly fills with rage when real kids like Lamine Yamal take the stage at just 16 years old and give an incredible performance on one of the biggest stages in the world, the Euro semi-final.

Even in the NHL and NBA, where you have phenoms coming into the league at 18 and 19, there’s something about those extra few years that allows your brain to come to terms with the fact that they’re technically adults. At least those kids would have graduated high school by then. But a 16-year-old? He should still be falling asleep in algebra class. He still has to be driven to practice by his parents. And yet here he is, pulling 75,000 donkeys out of their seats and going wild on the international stage.

This is just devastating to all of us old guys who would never have a fraction of the athletic success of these little shits. I’m 32 and have a 6 month old at home. It makes me sick to think that this kid is as close to her age as he is to mine. It’s just a tough line to walk because while I despise kids who just sit at home all day playing video games and making TikToks, I also don’t want them to have huge athletic success and make me feel worse. Let’s just meet somewhere in the middle, that’s all I ask. Be a really good high school athlete, not a world class one. But for some reason football still feels the need to churn out these teenage phenoms. Pretty fucked up if you ask me.